Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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