Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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