I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
