You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
