so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
