non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
