I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
