Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
