We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
