Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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