Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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