you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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