They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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