hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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