She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
