Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
