I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
