did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
