shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
