I just gift wrapped bread.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
