My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
