My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
