Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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