Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
