i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
