Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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