look no pants
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
