nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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