Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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