i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
