i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
