Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
