imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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