You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
