Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
