Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
