Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
