When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
