CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
