so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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