I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
