She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
