her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
