I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Bring me that man meat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
