Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
