So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
