you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
