Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I cannot find my penis.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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