i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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