lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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