i just sent this text using only my big toe
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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