I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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