Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
