why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
