Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
